Why is it so hard for victims to change? In this video blog post I talk about how a personal agenda can hold a person in victimization. We often picture our lives according to how we define ourselves. When we define ourselves with something that has to do with someone else, such as married or with children, things can get tricky and sometimes we don’t want to let go of our original ideas.

Victims have a perspective or mindset about who their most important influence or source of truth is. Some of this has to do with the expectations they had for themselves and for their life and how they have meshed that with another person. If they put themselves under the influence of someone who is controlling, then they allow that person to define their life. I give several examples of this in the video.

In this video I talk about the power you have to change and some of the things that hold you back. Victims do have a difficult time getting out of their victimization and often need to seek some professional help from a therapist in order to sort it all out and access the power they have within themselves to effect change. If this is something you struggle with, I have a global video therapy business and if you would like to talk to me, please feel free to contact me at any time through this blog or through my counseling site at Relationship-Makeover.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

There is a difference between personal power and personal value. All humans have equal value; we all have the same value. People naturally hold different amounts of power in relationships but power and value are not the same thing.

When one person’s actions state that their ideas and wishes are more valuable than other persons, what does this actually look like; how does one recognize when this type of belief is present in a relationship? This concept can be applied to any relationship, not just a marriage or couple relationship.

Norm has spoken in other videos on this blog about psychological abuse and the power differential between men and women. In this video, Norm talks about equal value and different power and sheds some light on this universal problem.

How has this affected you or do you think it has? Have a look at this video and please feel free to offer your own comments and feedback.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

Women often find it difficult to give a report to police when there is crisis risk situation such as domestic violence going on, and they have called the police to come diffuse the situation.

The trouble is that women often believe that they are the cause of the violence and coupled with the fact that they have such a sense of trying to figure out how to protect their partner, that even when police have to be called to help, she is still protective of him. Because of these two things, she often doesn’t present the truth about what is really going on. She plays it down and neglects to include the history of violence or physical threats from him.

Men frequently will give a statement to police that the woman is the one causing the problem and because she appears to be weak in her story, they often believe the man when he claims that it isn’t him who is abusing her, but the other way around, sometimes even saying that they were trying to protect themselves from her.

In this video, I offer a couple of suggestions on how women can talk to the police with greater effect.
Have a look at the video and I welcome questions, comments and feedback.

With you in Mind,
Norm Quantz

There is a mindset that seems evident when a therapist is open to and willing to get personal help from another psychotherapist or mental health professional.

This mindset is often revealed in the way the therapist works with clients, for instance when counseling therapists see themselves on a journey with the client towards healthiness and wellbeing or as a partner on the journey to wholeness. These psychotherapists are able to learn from clients as well as the clients learning from them.

Have a look at this short video as I talk a bit about therapists and mental health professionals seeking help. As always, I welcome feedback and comments.

With you in Mind,
Norm Quantz

In this video I tell a story about an elephant and a mouse to illustrate the power differential that exists between men and women. The application that you can take from this illustration assists in understanding the reactions and interactions that take place between males and females. For the most part, men are unaware of this difference in power, as is the elephant when in a room with a mouse.

As you look at this interpretation of male and female relationships, particularly when there are huge power differences, both are valuable and both have value within that relationship as equals but the power difference between them is immensely different. If you take a look at relationships through that grid, then the interpretation of responses, reactions, input and the even the sharing in of information between men and women in a relationship, reveals a whole new picture.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

There are many kind people who are compassionate and want to help and be kind. Sometimes however, people go beyond common sense in an attempt to do what is kind. Too much kindness in an interfering way becomes a control factor.

In this video I use the example of a parent with a 5 year old child. This parent goes to the extremes of hand feeding and even helping the child drink from a cup, believing that this demonstrates love. In this case the kindness actually interferes with personal growth and responsibility taking the child needs to learn. This child is not experiencing the value of accomplishing something on her own and gaining the important sense of self esteem and personal independence.

In this case, the mother has become the controller and child learns to be dependent on the parent. This lays the foundation for someone else to take advantage of the child, increasing vulnerability to another person dominating and controlling her and makes the child vulnerable for abuse. This foundation is not limited to childhood.

It is important that there is a balance between kindness and common sense. Have a look at this video and let me know your thoughts.

With you in Mind,
Norm Quantz