I am very excited! My very first book is now published and ready to be shared.

In just a few days it will be available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and others.

If you would like to be notified as soon as the link is ready, please sign up on the left hand side for my thought of the week and personal news.

Best,

Norm

What is true? In this video I talk about how we understand the definition of truth. There are many things true in your world, that are not true in mine. You have a truth about understanding reality, and so do I.

I believe that these two different definitions of truth are really different perspectives, for instance I have a belief about what a healthy relationship is which is my truth, and you have a belief that might be different then mine, which is your truth. We are talking about our individual understanding of what relationship is for us.

So what about a greater truth or universal truth? When we talk about this truth, it might be different then either one of our perspectives. I believe it is a sign of good mental health when we are on the road towards seeking the more universal truth or true truth.

I have observed that 80 to 90% of all relationship struggles have to do with not being able to move towards the “true truth”, because we are insisting on our own perspective as being the truth instead of cooperating and seeking a higher truth together.

Have a look at this video and let me know your thoughts about this concept of truth and looking at truth in a different way.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

You may wonder if dissociation is always wrong, or if it is always an indicator of a problem. In this final video of the 5 part series on dissociative identity disorder and multiple personality disorder issues, I talk about the difference between normal dissociation and destructive dissociation.

In this series I have been talking about the type of dissociation which became necessary in order to survive abuse, and how when there has been a pattern of abuse, learning to disconnect and dissociate has been the only escape and the only place that feels safe. Dissociative identity becomes a relief and an answer for these people. It becomes the coping method they use to deal with life itself.

Is disconnecting always a problem? I give a few examples of normal disconnect such as we see when watching young children involved in their play. Even as adults we can disconnect or dissociate in a healthy and normal way, for example when caught up in the excitement of planning a vacation but as long as we can still come back to the present, live in reality and be able to carry out our responsibilities, this is not a worry.

Have a look at this video as I wrap up this 5 part series on multiple personality and dissociative identity disorder. I hope that you have enjoyed it and please feel free to comment or post your questions in the comment form.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

In this video, Norm shares his excitement over the upcoming publication of his new book, “It’s all about Power and Control ~ why marriages fall apart and what it takes to put them back together again”. This book has been 4 years in the making and 25 years in the planning and research.

Norm talks about the history behind how this book came to be. When he began to notice patterns in the lives of most people, seeing how they seemed to repeat the same problems and have the same struggles over and over again, he started to wonder why that was. Once he completed his counseling training and began to provide counseling services, he noticed these very same problems with his clients.

He started to hear about the issue of power and how people control their lives; those two words together started his extensive study of power and control. Since he had a lot of trouble finding information as he searched he realized that there was an extreme need for a book about power and control and its dramatic effect on relationships.

Have a look at this video as Norm talks about his new book, on this special book introductory blog post. We will be posting the release dates for Norm’s new book, “It’s all About Power and Control” as soon as we have them.

On the subject of troubled marriages, I’ve written a book scheduled for publication December 2009, called “It’s All About Power and Control; Why marriages fall apart and what it takes to put them back together again.”

I am completely convinced that people are hard wired for relationship. If this true, then why are we failing so dismally at them? I believe that there are some key things that have been overlooked as we look at this subject and at this problem. One of these key things is the lack of understanding of the power and control dynamics that go on in a relationship.

In this video I talk about my new book and the concept of men having more power than women to influence the health of the relationship. Men have more power then they realize they do and they believe that they don’t have this relational power but that women hold most of it. They make many of their decisions based on this belief.

Counseling couples in therapy, I have discovered that when this concept in understood, marriage struggles begin to turn around and couples begin to flourish in their relationships. As you watch this video, think about your own close relationships and see if you can recognize truth in what I am presenting here. Please feel free to add your comments or questions.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

In a earlier video I talked about the difference between doing the best you could do or the best you would do in your relationships. In this video, the word should enters the conversation since “what you should do” is so often a big part of the relationship. I am referring to the differentiation between the words would, could and should.

The word ‘should’ usually has to do with one person having an idea that they want to impose on you. It is not a participatory way of having a relationship. It does not draw from each person’s understanding, and is most often used when one person has decided that they know best about what needs to happen and now it is up to the other person to implement this idea.

Have a look at this fun little video try to avoid the word “should” whenever possible.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

Do you participate in your relationship the best you could, or the best you would? Over and over again I hear the statement “well I’m doing the best I can, I’ve done my best” But when I look at the facts in the relationship, it becomes obvious that these people are doing the best they would do, and not the best they could do.

Doing the best you would do means that when one person defines relationships and how they are supposed to work, they are not always open to the other persons view and are not willing to accept other information such as how relationships really function successfully. Be careful that you are not disabling the impact of your partner.

In this video I talk about this idea of doing the best you could verses doing the best you would. Relationships thrive when you jointly choose to do the best you could do in order to make the relationship the best it can be. Watch this video blog post and let me know your thoughts.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

Why is it so hard for victims to change? In this video blog post I talk about how a personal agenda can hold a person in victimization. We often picture our lives according to how we define ourselves. When we define ourselves with something that has to do with someone else, such as married or with children, things can get tricky and sometimes we don’t want to let go of our original ideas.

Victims have a perspective or mindset about who their most important influence or source of truth is. Some of this has to do with the expectations they had for themselves and for their life and how they have meshed that with another person. If they put themselves under the influence of someone who is controlling, then they allow that person to define their life. I give several examples of this in the video.

In this video I talk about the power you have to change and some of the things that hold you back. Victims do have a difficult time getting out of their victimization and often need to seek some professional help from a therapist in order to sort it all out and access the power they have within themselves to effect change. If this is something you struggle with, I have a global video therapy business and if you would like to talk to me, please feel free to contact me at any time through this blog or through my counseling site at Relationship-Makeover.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

Have you heard people use the expression “I’m not saying it’s right or wrong”? In an effort not to be judgemental, many people choose to come from this view point, wishing to take a more neutral role in their opinion.

In this video I talk about the first half of the statement “it’s not right” and what does that phrase really mean when you say it? Is it always best to remain neutral in your opinions? Wishing to remain on the neutral side of this equation may indicate a self esteem problem.

Have a look at this thought provoking video. Next time I will talk about the wrong side of the statement “It’s not right or wrong” I look forward to hearing from you!

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz