Another reason victims keep their abuse secret is they think it will dishonor their family or friend. I explain how that, in fact, is the lie. It is the mistreatment that is dishonoring, not the messenger. Seeking the help of others is the honorable thing to do.

Telling what is true, ultimately benefits the relationship. It is only in living real that you will have the opportunity to thrive in your relationships.

The lie is that ‘keeping violations hidden is the trusting thing to do.’

With You in Mind,
Norm

There have been many topics covered in my V-log (Video Blog). I invite viewers to submit questions and comments that you want me to expand on. Maybe you have read things in my book, having questions from your relationships, or want me to expand the subject of one of these videos. Let me know and I may use it as the subject of a future Vlog.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

It’s exciting news. I am now promoting this blog on a radio show in the New York area. WVNJ-AM radio in New Jersey covering parts of Connecticut, New York City and Manhattan Island has a new show called The Last House on the Block hosted by Michael Levin. He has had 20 years of experience answering over 20,000 calls as a member of a peer-to-peer self-help network. Michael has become a friend through his help in editing and organizing my new book “It’s All About Power and Control”. Those not in that area can listen live through the internet site www.WVNJ.com and click on “Listen Live.” Take time to call the show at 1-800-962-1160. Make comments on this blog about the show and my ad. Tell me what you think.

In this video I talk about the issues of psychological abuse and the resulting stress. I take a look at what this stress can produce in the mind and body. When a person is living with psychological abuse there is a tension that is built between what you feel you should do and doing what you are expected to do. I will give a few examples of this type of pushing in the video. When these types of control factors exist in the relationship, stress is produced.

There has been a lot of research done on how stress produces illness in the body. Dr Gabor Mate has written a whole book on this subject. The book is called “When the Body says No.” Physically, stress caused by psychological abuse puts a number of chemical components into the body system, which have an effect on the health of the body, causing damage to the immune system and interfering with overall wellbeing.

It is difficult to know how to deal with stress produced by psychological abuse. In this video I talk about some of these factors, and offer some insight into stress which produces illness. If you are experiencing this kind of stress in your relationships, you may find that you need some professional help to deal with this.

Are you involved in a psychologically abusive relationship that is now producing illness in your body and if so, what are you doing about it? Have a look at this video and please feel free to leave your comments or questions in the comment form.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

It is important to understand how control works and how it contributes to a person’s struggle inside to be one or to be whole. The alters serve the purpose of representing the personality who sought freedom or escape from the situation that was out of their control. The alter personalities also keep the person from living as one whole person. Even when a person attempts and desires to live as a whole person, they are not able to because they don’t realize how insidious the control is in their life.

This video is part three of the series, and I give an example of how the mixed messages of one aspect of control, when disguised as nice, can lead to dissociative identity and can cause a person to develop alter personalities in order to cope. When someone in your life uses the tactic of “nice”, there is an expectation that you have to be nice back. This is the kind of abusive control that plays a number on a person’s brain. It becomes difficult to attribute the nice person’s behaviour as abusive and this can lead to believing that it is really YOU that has the problem.

This type of abusive control is mind bending. Have a look at this video as I continue in this 5 part series about multiple personality disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder. I invite you to leave your comments or questions if you wish.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

If you would like to view the previous videos in the series, click here for part one, and here for part two.

In this 5 part video series, I talk about some of the aspects regarding Multiple Personality Disorder or Dissociated Identity Disorder, as it is more recently called. In this first video I look at the cause.

If you or someone you love suspects that you have this disorder, or if you have been diagnosed with Dissociated Identity Disorder, there is hope. I have had success in my practice on the road to healing this condition, by taking a look at the power and control trail in the client’s history.

In this video I explain what I mean by a power and control trail, and how abusive power and control that undermines your ability to be in control of your life can cause dissociation, multiple personalities and dissociated identity disorder. I introduce the idea of how dissociative identity begins, and how it continues.
In part two of this series, I will discuss discovering the purpose of the alter personalities.

Please feel free to leave comments or post your questions as we take a look at dissociation and MPD over the next couple of weeks.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

In this video I talk about the victim mindset and particularly focus on the double mindedness of victims who refuse to live as victims but are still being victimized.

This is common among people in the process of learning to come out of their victim situations, and out of their survivor instincts, insisting that they are no longer living as victims, not realizing that they are not free from victimization yet.

In his book, “When the Body says NO” Dr Gabor Mate talks about people who live this way, putting everyone and their needs before their own. He writes about how this kind of stress can cause serious immune system weaknesses and how these people are at risk for major chronic illness.

There is a huge internal angst when a person lives as a victim of another or others. Have a look at this video as we take a look at victim mentality and its effects on people and how it is possible to live a new way of life.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

Due to some of the unique issues related to working with a client who has an eating disorder, there are some really advantageous aspects of having therapy sessions online.

Many people with eating disorders have a need to be in control at all times and one of the benefits of online counseling is that they get a greater amount of control over the session in the online counseling room. Eating disordered clients have some fears about being alone in the counseling room with the therapist which requires a comfort level adjustment that is not necessary with video counseling. The online environment is easier to adjust to then the a counseling office with an in person therapist.

In this video Norm talks about some of the benefits of counseling clients with eating disorders, using his online platform. Online counseling for eating disorders is very effective.
Please have a look at this video and click below to leave your comments.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

The panel presented topics such as: client responses to online counseling, security issues, how to find a credible online therapist, and the accessibility to professional counseling especially for the handicapped. A live Q and A followed, even moving after the hour into an adjacent room to  address all the interactions from the participants.

Shortly, I will be commenting with some details on these subjects. If you are interested in viewing the panel presentation, it was recorded and will be posted here.

More conferences are likely in 2010 for the panel to expose to the world that Online Counseling is now available to the global community.

With You In Mind
Norm Quantz

On the subject of troubled marriages, I’ve written a book scheduled for publication December 2009, called “It’s All About Power and Control; Why marriages fall apart and what it takes to put them back together again.”

I am completely convinced that people are hard wired for relationship. If this true, then why are we failing so dismally at them? I believe that there are some key things that have been overlooked as we look at this subject and at this problem. One of these key things is the lack of understanding of the power and control dynamics that go on in a relationship.

In this video I talk about my new book and the concept of men having more power than women to influence the health of the relationship. Men have more power then they realize they do and they believe that they don’t have this relational power but that women hold most of it. They make many of their decisions based on this belief.

Counseling couples in therapy, I have discovered that when this concept in understood, marriage struggles begin to turn around and couples begin to flourish in their relationships. As you watch this video, think about your own close relationships and see if you can recognize truth in what I am presenting here. Please feel free to add your comments or questions.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz