Another reason victims keep their abuse secret is they think it will dishonor their family or friend. I explain how that, in fact, is the lie. It is the mistreatment that is dishonoring, not the messenger. Seeking the help of others is the honorable thing to do.

Telling what is true, ultimately benefits the relationship. It is only in living real that you will have the opportunity to thrive in your relationships.

The lie is that ‘keeping violations hidden is the trusting thing to do.’

With You in Mind,
Norm

One reason victims don’t share and thereby keep their abuse a secret, is that they know they won’t be believed. They have grown up within relationships where their voice is not respected, so they think “If I tell it won’t be believed.” In this video I explain the importance of telling others.

With You in Mind,
Norm

Controllers are adept at mixing the good with the bad. Double-Mindedness is presented as multi-tasking and congruity. In this video I touch on the way they really are and expose the way to distinguish their differences. Recognizing those differences can help you resist being caught up in the deception of a controller’s mindless nonsense in justifying their destructive power and control.

With You in Mind
Norm

In this video, Norm shares his excitement over the upcoming publication of his new book, “It’s all about Power and Control ~ why marriages fall apart and what it takes to put them back together again”. This book has been 4 years in the making and 25 years in the planning and research.

Norm talks about the history behind how this book came to be. When he began to notice patterns in the lives of most people, seeing how they seemed to repeat the same problems and have the same struggles over and over again, he started to wonder why that was. Once he completed his counseling training and began to provide counseling services, he noticed these very same problems with his clients.

He started to hear about the issue of power and how people control their lives; those two words together started his extensive study of power and control. Since he had a lot of trouble finding information as he searched he realized that there was an extreme need for a book about power and control and its dramatic effect on relationships.

Have a look at this video as Norm talks about his new book, on this special book introductory blog post. We will be posting the release dates for Norm’s new book, “It’s all About Power and Control” as soon as we have them.

In this video, Norm uses the example of two women friends; one of them dominates the relationship, controlling and manipulating the other woman.

Using an old fashioned and eye from his workshop, Norm illustrates a controlling relationship and talks about how one woman controlled the other and why the less powerful woman in the relationship was attracted to her controlling friend.

How can a victim open their eyes and lose the hook that the controller has in them? Watch this video and leave your comments or feedback! Looking forward to hearing from you!

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

There is a tactic used by psychological abusive people that involves restricting the activities or actions of somebody else. Restricting activities actually attempts to control the boundaries that the spouse operates within.

The psychologically abusive person uses this strategy of withholding in order to restrict an activity that might cause them to feel as though they are losing control. They may be suspicious of the people or the activity the spouse is engaged in, fearing the influence of certain people and organizations. Therefore they restrict their partner from participating in what has been decided is not the right groups or friendships.
This like trying to train a spouse as you would train a young child; as though the spouse cannot make up her own mind about who to see or what groups to be involved in. It is of course necessary to place restrictions and boundaries on young children but in the case of restricting activity of your partner, the restrictor believes he knows what is best for her, and he justifies his restrictions as legitimate even believing that it is for her own good if he keeps her from having contact with certain people.

There are different reasons that people place restrictions on each other. Not all of them are wrong and I give an example in this video of one such time when a woman asks her husband not to flirt with a certain woman at a party. This request is about how it makes her feel when he does that and is not about her controlling his behaviour.

Have a look at this video about using the abuse tactic of restricting the activity of another and as always I welcome feedback and comments.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

In this video I talk about the insidious tactic of “playing dumb. It’s a very insidious tactic because it asks for support from the victim. This tactic falls under the category of withholding since it is about withholding intelligence from a situation. When a psychologically abusive person withholds intelligence, they actually try to act like they really don’t know anything about the subject at hand.

The victim believes that they can help provide the information, and help their partner out by contributing their own knowledge about the situation but it is a set up. The controller in the situation withholds his information and intelligence from the discussion. She ends up feeling tricked; she has been drawn into the conversation under false pretence. He withholds himself and his involvement and it produces an anxiety in the relationship.

This tactic is a very powerful manipulative tool in the guise of this pretend world of playing dumb. Have a look and let me know what you think.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz