First, both the therapist and client need to have a learning attitude towards life. This makes a huge difference in the success of counseling. If the client’s attitude is that of “I don’t care to learn from you”, even if you do things right, it is unlikely they will benefit from the therapeutic process. This attitude is most often evidenced when a client is under some type of obligation to be in therapy such as being court ordered or at the insistence of a spouse. On the other hand, if they come with the attitude of “I’m interested in learning from you” it is likely, even if you fumble the ball at times, they will have a useful experience to help them resolve their problems.

Secondly, the goal of both therapist and client needs to have some common ground, similar enough to have a starting point. If a client comes with the desire on their heart to find some answers to why their life is so problematic help usually results. The more similar the goal – the more likely the help.

If the client’s goal is for you to agree with them that can lead to ineffective results. In the early stages of counseling, I probe the client’s teach-ability factor. They may at first state their intent to learn and change. Later, if they show their reluctance for change, I come back to the earlier discussions and challenge them to sort out what they are really saying and what really is their goal in coming to counseling. Sometimes they are so hesitant from previous mistreatment they may at first resist learning. Then, as trust builds, they start to open up. This is different than the one whose goal is simply for you to agree with them.

When there is an alignment of attitudes and goals between you and your client, this offers the most effective environment for positive change as a result of the therapy.

Some people decide to do nothing in order to avoid being wrong.

That is a problem!

To do nothing keeps you from being a benefit to the relationship. You may want to only be involved when you can do right. That is not how a relationship works.

Relationships operate best when you participate by investing yourself as you really are now then make course corrections along the way. Doing nothing is like a ball and chain around the other. Those who are spinning their wheels faster and faster in an attempt to bring life into the relationship may be reacting to the do nothing approach of their partner. This approach is the primary source of power behind the growing anxiety.

To solve the angst problem take the risk of investing yourself as you self correct along the way.

In the video “Child Development and Parental Influence” I talked about the atmosphere created by parents and other influences in a child’s life. In this video I talk about another aspect of that atmosphere. What happens in the event that parents separate, divorce or end the relationship and the father takes on the role of the good time daddy.

This is a difficult time for everyone in the family and a though a fathers motive may be good when he plays the good time daddy, how does it effect the children?

I talk about why some fathers feel like they must be the fun parent and how it comes about and I explain how children respond to that, as well as the negative effect that it can have on the father/child relationship. I talk about the importance of being real with your children in order to impart those skills on to them.

Parenting is not easy at the best of times but when a separation or divorce occurs it is vitally important that parenting practices are not abandoned by either parent. Remember that you are always modeling and teaching relationship with your children.

Have a look at this video and let me know what you think.

To Your Success,
Norm Quantz