When you have found the courage to tell your sexual abuse story to the police here are a couple things you may find helpful.

1. Make an appointment to Report. This will allow the corporal to designate a seasoned officer with this speciality to take your report. It will also mean one less thing to worry about when you enter the detachment because they will be expecting you. You won’t have to awkwardly explain it to the front clerk. The transition will be smoother between walking in and being interviewed.
2. Write out your experience. Write it out prior to going to the police interview. This will allow you time to write down all the facts including the context surrounding the event/s. Handing a copy of this to the police in the interview will help them ask suitable questions to your situation, even if they prefer to write their own notes as they interview you.

By reporting the abuse, at least it is now out there for something to be done about it. It is what you can do to help curb this terrible thing in our society called sexual abuse which is ripping away at the heart and mind of people causing deep depression and anxiety. Just go do it. I believe you will have a listening ear hear your report and be empathetic to you.

With You in Mind,
Norm

I find an increased intake for counseling leading up to holiday seasons such as summer vacation, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. This relates primarily to the added stresses of those season, mainly related to angst over meeting relatives or having to spend more time with a spouse.

Stress comes when a situation goes beyond normal abilities to cope. I describe a few response options to short term and long term stress.

With You In Mind,
Norm

Kids absorb the stress within family relationships. In this video, relationship expert Norm Quantz briefly touches on 3 principles that parents can live by to help DEstress their children. Consistency, even though it is not perfect, can keep children from the anxiety of constantly preparing themselves for the inconsistencies lived and taught by conflicted parents.

Clarity is the goal of communicating and very important with kids since they are not the ones best suited or most responsible for understanding an issue. Concern is the empathic attention that parents give to their children as parents and adults act in their best interest. These three components that create a healthier emotional and mental atmosphere are important for DEstressing children.

You may wonder if dissociation is always wrong, or if it is always an indicator of a problem. In this final video of the 5 part series on dissociative identity disorder and multiple personality disorder issues, I talk about the difference between normal dissociation and destructive dissociation.

In this series I have been talking about the type of dissociation which became necessary in order to survive abuse, and how when there has been a pattern of abuse, learning to disconnect and dissociate has been the only escape and the only place that feels safe. Dissociative identity becomes a relief and an answer for these people. It becomes the coping method they use to deal with life itself.

Is disconnecting always a problem? I give a few examples of normal disconnect such as we see when watching young children involved in their play. Even as adults we can disconnect or dissociate in a healthy and normal way, for example when caught up in the excitement of planning a vacation but as long as we can still come back to the present, live in reality and be able to carry out our responsibilities, this is not a worry.

Have a look at this video as I wrap up this 5 part series on multiple personality and dissociative identity disorder. I hope that you have enjoyed it and please feel free to comment or post your questions in the comment form.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

The assistance and friendship we received from family and friends both during and since our recent emergency with the hail storm has reminded me of how important it is to have good friends who support us when things get crazy. It also reminded me that not all friends or family are supportive.

There are two distinct kinds of friends. Some drain our energy and some fuel it up. In this video I talk about both types of friendships. Have a look at the video and as always I welcome comments.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

At the beginning of August 2009 a serious hail storm hit the rural community where Norm and Neva Quantz have their home office. It was a frightening and violating experience for them. In this video, Norm talks about the trauma they experienced in the middle of the night while golf ball sized hail crashed through their sky lights bringing glass and rain with it as it bounced off the living room and office floors. The rain and hail continued to assault both the inside and outside of their home while they stood helplessly and fearfully watching and wondering when this violation would end.

Norm uses this experience to illustrate the repercussions of trauma that he sees daily in his private practice with his clients. The serious effects of sexual abuse, assault or childhood trauma, car accidents and sudden deaths are all traumatic emotional events which have lasting effects. He discusses the importance of the treatment process; of going through the details of the trauma in order to understand it, and in many cases of trauma, the importance of seeking the help of a qualified therapist in order to heal.

This video was made while the reconstruction of the roof was going on, so you will hear some of the banging and hammering. Have a look and please feel free to ask questions or comment.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

Overeating is a problem in much of our society. There is lots of media hype and information available on many different aspects of eating disorders.

Websites post various articles expressing every angle and view point from eating disorders to weight management. In this brief video I talk about one small aspect of this broad topic; eating due to anxiety.

I am referring to the times when your body feels the exact same hunger pangs when hungry for food, except that it feels them when in fact you are anxious or stressed. It is easy to mistake those feelings for feelings for hunger. This isn’t unusual since the feelings are so similar, sometimes even identical.
Have a look at the video and please feel free to comment.

With You in Mind,
Norm Quantz

In this video I talk about the insidious tactic of “playing dumb. It’s a very insidious tactic because it asks for support from the victim. This tactic falls under the category of withholding since it is about withholding intelligence from a situation. When a psychologically abusive person withholds intelligence, they actually try to act like they really don’t know anything about the subject at hand.

The victim believes that they can help provide the information, and help their partner out by contributing their own knowledge about the situation but it is a set up. The controller in the situation withholds his information and intelligence from the discussion. She ends up feeling tricked; she has been drawn into the conversation under false pretence. He withholds himself and his involvement and it produces an anxiety in the relationship.

This tactic is a very powerful manipulative tool in the guise of this pretend world of playing dumb. Have a look and let me know what you think.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

This video will begin a series of videos over the coming months and largely relates to my work in the area of psychological abuse in relationships. This video series will include dialogue about the manipulation of power and control and how it relates to struggling relationships. In this very brief introduction video, I talk about underlying strategies used to control and the psychological abusive use of power and control.

There are three strategies that I have found in my work with clients over the last 25+ years in counseling therapy, and these three strategies are the underlying concepts or infrastructure that abuse relies on in order to meet its domination. It is important to note that the strategy is the plan and the tactics are the methods used.

In this video I give a brief overview of these three basic strategies; The withholding strategy which is mostly used passively, the deception strategy, a combination of passive aggressive strategy and the crisis-risk strategy which is the more overt, aggressive and even dangerous strategy. Each of these strategies may be used intentionally or unintentionally.

Have a look at this brief overview. I would appreciate comments, suggestions and questions about this information as well as for future videos in this series.

With You in Mind
Norm Quantz

The subject of dissociation and dissociative identity disorder in terms of how people cope with life is quite broad and often misunderstood by general public.In this video I describe how dissociation might begin, how it becomes a necessary escape and how it becomes a hindrance to personal growth.

Dissociation is used to cope with the pressure going on in life when it is too painful to accept the reality of what is going on in life and dissociation becomes an option people use to escape. The danger is when that escape becomes a way of life. When dissociating starts to take over a person’s life; when they live more in the dissociative time rather than in real time, that becomes a problem. The dissociative self starts to control how they respond to the world around them and they get confused as to whether it is the real person responding to it or if it is the dissociative self responding to it. It gets to the point that they live in the other persons world, as another entity.
When people who used the coping method of dissociation, or have dissociative identity disorder are able to realize the way that it started, how necessary that it has been for their survival, and how it became a way of life, it is much easier for them to go back to that foundation and re-establish it differently.

Understanding the dissociation that is occurring at the moment and where it has its origin, enables them to eventually realize that they don’t have to live in that coping method but that they can live in the reality of the moment and move from coping to conquering, owning their own power and living whole and free.

I would love to read your comments and feedback regarding the information in this video.

With You in Mind,
Norm