You’ve decide it’s your time to move on…to get healthy…to get well. You’ve been stuck and you are ready to move on with your life. To find relief from the depression and anxiety that has been plaguing you for so long. You’ve tried so many things. One of the things that you are sure of, it’s now or never. I’m moving on to make my life the healthy life that I’ve always wanted to have.
You’ve maybe to other therapists and possibly disappointed about how little they know or understand about the power and control dynamics in your relationship. You haven’t been able to make the progress you have wanted to make.
Here are some actionable steps you can take personally and that will enhance those around you that try to help you.
First, be committed to yourself. There are things deep inside of you that you have now decided you need to take a stand on. Be committed to make the changes necessary to do what is right.
Second, be able to develop a mature mindset. You have had a concept of healthy for a long time. Now you can take a stand for what is healthy and live that out in your life. You’ve come from childhood. It’s time to become the adult/grown up that you want to become.
Third, acknowledge why you are so vulnerable to being abused. People generally don’t realize why they are vulnerable. There are certain ideas/beliefs that they carry with them from childhood that hold them captive.
Finally, refuse to be abused and do not abuse others. Stop the abuse that is within your power to control.
Remember that change is a process. It’s not an incident in the moment of time. It’s happens over time. You have decided to move forward, realizing this process does take time. What you don’t know today you can find out tomorrow. To see what is ahead of you requires you to round the next corner and to see beyond that you need to round the next corner and so on. Your understanding will grow exponentially as you make the changes in your life towards healthy.
Unfortunately, there are some who don’t change. They have stopped someplace in their development. They may now be stalemated at 4 years old or 16 or 25. I understand there are those that will not move. So what can you do? You can accept that fact. It’s hard because you have believed in them – in the likelihood they will change. But it’s time to accept the fact they are not going to change. It’s up to you to move on because you are committed to healthy, no matter what it takes.
You may be coming from a very unhealthy place. You may be concerned that you have been damaged when you were young and that it is for life. I have watched many people who have felt they are stuck make the decisions for change. They have come out of their damaged state. They are living healthy, whole and well. The impact they are having in their relationships is life-giving, it’s sustaining, it’s substantial. You can have that too.
It’s important to understand the power that you have and how you live that out in your control. What control do you have that will use your power for good. Just coping, putting up with life as it is doesn’t make sense.
You really need to move from coping to conquering where you need to understand an incident from within its context. Not just simply from the narrow focus of that situation. You’re ready to come at this from on top, determined that you are going to live healthy in this situation, and the next one, and the next one. For all of your life! This is going to be your chance to change.
Separation and divorce is not your only option. You can learn and understand the power and control dynamics that influence your relationship. Understand the cause of where that comes from. Understand what your foundations have been built on to know what your early childhood mindsets have been built on that are so powerful in your life now. These you can change by improving and maturing those mindsets. It’s time to move on, right now, from where you are at.
You may need to relook at what love really is.
It may have been exclusively that soft, tender, kind, always doing things for other people. You need to also realize that love also has the component of being clear on boundaries, very determined that you will not be taken advantage of. That also is love. The highest principle in love is that you are absolutely committed to pursue what is healthy and whole. Then you can live increasingly full, free and whole, because that is what we are designed and created for. It’s time to move upward, onward, and outward. Up, on, and out, using your power for good – constantly.
If these video clips/scripts have sparked an interest in you taking the next step towards counseling, please use the Contact Me tab. I offer a 15 minute free consult.
Thanks for listening.